Gross Movie Reviews #196
Wednesday, July 21st, 2010Gross Movie Reviews #196
By Tim Gross
Metamorphosis (DVD) – A tale of mystery as a writer and two friends decide to visit the castle of Elizabeth Bathory for more info and get the feel of what Elizabeth was like before the young writer sits down and writes a book about her. The three young people soon meet a beautiful woman named Elizabeth who helps them get to the castle with a surprise they and are not expecting? The mystery/horror film also stars Christopher “Highlander” Lambert. The film has a great beginning and a good ending but the in-between story lacks and the film suffers overall. But if you like vampires, mythology, and some good gore you will enjoy this 2 star film from www.mtivideo.com .
Sutures (DVD) – Jason London stars as this old school detective who wants the whole story from a woman who has just awaken from a coma and was the only survivor of a slaughter fest of her friends! It is pretty much your usual paint by numbers storyline of a girl remembering her friends getting killed one by one by a large, dark, long-haired man who disappears at the end. I give the film 1 star and can be found at www.mtivideo.com .
Clue (DVD) – The mid-80s underrated classic that brings the Parker Brothers board game to life with all your favorite characters from the game. Its set in 1958 and Col. Mustard, Professor Plum, and etc. are all invited to a party that just happens to be thrown by a mystery guest who is killed when the lights go out. The film has three different and entertaining endings that make the DVD worth to own. I give this underrated fun film 3 stars.
The Last House on the Left (DVD/remake) – The story is set in present time and not 1971 but tries to ride that fine line of staying with the original concept. If you have seen the original you know what to expect only in R rated form and if you haven’t and seen the trailers for this remake you get the idea. Three criminals torture and kill one girl and hurt and rape another only to be near by one of the victim’s house. Then the parents take it upon themselves to take revenge on the criminals. The remake has its moments with a couple great gore shots but overall lacks the gritty, terror, filth, and overall creepiness the original will always have no matter how old the film is. Besides you know you were only going to get so much with a film being remade by the big wigs in Hollywood. I give the film 1 star.
Maximum Risk (DVD) – Jean-Claude Van Damme stars as a French cop who has a twin brother who is killed during a chase with FBI agents and wants to find out why and how did he have a twin brother? Hell Jean, by now you would have figured out you would have a twin since the early 90s since you did every form of action film with a twin of you somewhere in the storyline… But that is what makes JCVD great! I give this action flick 2 stars.
Death Race (DVD/remake) – I don’t give a fuck if you put four Jason Stathams in this flick and it was doomed from the start, mainly because Paul W. S. (I know how to waste money on crap films in Hollywood) Anderson was behind it. The biggest problem with this film is the writers and director thought society has changed as a whole a lot since the seventies? Problem, society has and hasn’t… People would pay to see people run others over with cars and trucks but people can care less about what prisoners do to each other because its not reality in their minds. Example: reality TV is huge and has taken over which possibly means Corman’s original in 1975 is actually a precursor to what reality TV actually is? Come on, who in the fuck wouldn’t want to run over some people in the street just because?!!! Different writers and a director I think a remake could have been worth it but of course we get this not so clever piece of fucking shit that was just done how many times in recent years with films like “The Condemned” among others. I give it 0 stars.
Black Dynamite (DVD) – Think of “Undercover Brother” with nudity and even more blatant spoofs of the blaxploitation genre of the early 70s. The film is lots of laughs if you are any kind of film fan of the blaxploitation genre, but if not more than likely you should pass. I give it 2 ½ stars.
Universal Soldier III (DVD) – The Universal Solider project is up and running with the ‘Bandit’ (Burt Reynolds) behind it and wanting to clone the next perfect soldier. The sequel is like the original even in story of the reporter trying to blow the lid off of the project but on a tenth of the budget which included not casting good actors, but hey you do get to see the star of the great TV series “Evening Shade”! I give it 0 stars.
The Dead Matter (DVD) – A young woman who badly misses her brother, who recently died, wants to contact him one last time by séances and so on but with no luck. But her latest venture in finding a way to contact her recently dead brother she finds a very odd ancient artifact in the woods that just happens to control the dead and have two very evil vampire lords looking for that very object for power over the other. With her friends against using the artifact’s dark power she begins to try to use it to raise her brother from the dead. The film is a clever entertaining mix of horror, fantasy, and mythology that is only limited by its budget. The crew uses locations, music, and two acting legends in Andrew Divoff and Tom Savini perfectly casted as the vampire lords to bring the film together. The DVD comes in single disc or three disc versions, and the three disc version has “The Dead Matter” soundtrack CD, Midnight Syndicate’s Halloween Music CD, a feature length behind-the-scenes extra, commentary, and even two music videos. I give it 3 stars and must have at www.midnightsyndicate.com .
Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReviews@comcast.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . If you want to help support my movie habits please buy my book for the love of god! You can purchase any of my five “Gross Movie Reviews” books at www.lulu.com or www.amazon.com . You can also find other shit from me at www.bastardsofhorror.com . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater (unless you are banned for some stupid reason), independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………
