Gross Movie Reviews #135
Gross Movie Reviews #135
By Tim Gross
Sorry folks it has taken so long to get a new batch of reviews out but between work, Fright Night Film Fest, and not sleeping I haven’t had a whole lot of time to dedicate to watching horror films lately… But with Labor Day weekend coming I’m hoping to watch the rest of the movies I got from FNFF and find other shit to watch and dedicate more time to watching some of the shittiest horror films out there? Remember someone has to do it!
Monster Ark (DVD/Sci-fi Channel) – Renee O’Connor stars as an archeologist whose ex-husband possibly found the lost ark “Noah’s Ark� And it just happens to hold the last of the mysterious CGI demons from the past that will start the apocalypse! The movie is shit, shit, and more shit, but it does also star Tommy Lister Jr. mostly known for his role in the wrestling film “No Holds Barred†as Zeus! I give it a ½ star just for Xena’s sidekick but be warned as this movie could possibly cause brain damage watching it?
Haddonfield: A Halloween Fan Film (DVD) – David ‘The Goose’ Gooslin made a fan film that lasts close to forty minutes and that is about Michael Myers and the events that perhaps happened between the end of the first film and when Michael decides to make his way to Haddonfield Hospital to kill Laurie Strode, his sister, in the second film. David shows off his “Halloween†knowledge by intertwining characters from the 1978 and 1981 films fills in the blanks with some his own characters and storyline as Michael continues his killing spree in this fan film. It’s a very fun film to watch if you are any kind of Myers film fan and has an ending that takes place three days later in ’78 after the infamous killings that stars DeadPit.com’s Uncle Bill and Creepy Kentuckian in a scene that had me almost pissing my pants laughing at what happens. It is a scene that many original “Halloween†film fans would love and understand totally… My only real problem with the fan film is the sound, being mostly at the beginning as it sounds like it was filmed in a fish tank. And David’s use of the character ‘Ben Trammer’ from the original “Halloween†confused me a bit as I thought it was revealed in the second film he is the unknown young man who was killed in the fiery crash at the beginning of the second film while walking home from a party looking like Michael Myers and not making out with a girl on his couch who was added to the story by Gooslin and was killed off? Hey, I could be wrong, but it made me want to watch the first two films again without it being the Halloween holiday and watch this film in-between the first two films… But “Halloween†fans you need this DVD as I give it 3 stars and more about it can be found at www.myspace.com/haddonfieldfanfilm or www.deadpit.com . Now, if I only can talk ‘The Goose’ into making a fan film for “Halloween III: The Season of the Witch�
Bob (DVD) – A short two minute film from a filmmaker named Waylon Bacon about a man named Bob who is loved by the community until he is met with an untimely and gruesome death by speeding motorist. I give it 3 stars and more about the filmmaker can be found out at www.wayonbacon.com .
The Brainiac (DVD) – An oldie but goodie from 1961 and filmed in black and white where a man is tortured and killed for his devious crimes in 1661 and he declares he will seek his revenge 300 years later on the people’s decedents who have done this to him. I give this B-movie 1 ½ stars.
Flu Bird Horror (DVD/Sci-fi Channel) – Pretty much a film that has giant fucked up birds that carry a mutant strain of the ‘bird flu’ and they are attacking rehabbing youths in the woods and their only hope is that dude who starred in “Jaws the Revengeâ€! Or to put it simple, it sucks donkey balls! I give it 0 stars.
Nympha (DVD) – Tiffany Shepis stars as a woman named Sarah who goes to Italy to give herself fully to god. Well, the nuns have other plans like torture because you should only need your soul to talk to god… A odd and very weird feeling kind of film that has a nun getting banged from behind by a drunk doctor, a very long but awesome lesbian scene from Tiffany and another woman for more than likely no apparent reason to establish her dreaming, Tiffany getting tortured several times, weird flashbacks and visions that explain the reason why she is there, incest, and pretty much you get a cool independent Eye-talian flick! I give it 2 ½ stars and can be found at www.mtivideo.com .
Doctor Blood’s Coffin (DVD) – A man named Peter Blood wants to experiment with living humans in order to bring back the dead at medical school but gets kick out and decides to continue his experiments back at his little village while falling in love with the lovely and legendary actress Hazel Court. Sounds like a classic B-flick to most but to me sounds more like the prelude for the film we now know as “Re-Animator†as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Brimstone (DVD) – Michael Wade Johnson’s first feature (or no budget Indy flick) is about four Goths who become great friends and lovers at film school. Well, three of the friends go home and go to a place called ‘Brimstone’ and a incident happens that summer and when they come back to school they are different and not themselves and eventually kill themselves while haunting the last of them until she is driven to the place that effected them all! Some of the usual problems for your usual first Indy feature that put a little damper on the flick but I have to give Michael props for actually having a character committing suicide the right way (you need to see to understand) and having naked dead people having sex to haunt their friend can never hurt a film! Again if you get through the very long at times 84 minute movie, you see the potential of another cool indy horror filmmaker in the making as I give the film 2 ½ stars as it got an extra half star for having the correct way of suicide in a cool scene. If interested in purchasing or finding more out about the film go to www.myspace.com/brimstonemovie or www.myspace.com/fauxpas23 .
Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.myspace.com/slasherfilmfan . Also you can purchase any of my three horror movie review books, “Gross Movie Reviews Volume One, Two, or Three†at www.lulu.com or www.amazon.com . You can also find other reviews from me at www.bastardsofhorror.com , www.bloodtypeonline.com , and in the movie review section of the latest Ultra Violent magazine (www.uvmagazine.com). Remember folks if you are renting from Blockbuster you are not renting from the best! Support your local independent video store! It will keep horror alive………
Don’t forget to catch me in Strongsville, Ohio for Cinema Wasteland October 3rd thru the 5th , 2008 and go to www.cinemawasteland.com for details…
My book links if interested in purchasing a copy of my books:
Volume Three
http://www.lulu.com/content/2497428
Volume Two Red Cover
http://www.lulu.com/content/738100
Volume Two Alternate (black) Cover
http://www.lulu.com/content/751465
Volume One
http://www.lulu.com/content/265208
