Gross Movie Reviews #164

Gross Movie Reviews #164

By Tim Gross

 

Dracula (VHS) – A cool 1976 version of the Dracula story that stars Frank Lagella as the count and the film also co-stars the late great Donald Pleasance! Well worth the watch as I give it 3 stars.

 

Malibu Shark Attack (DVD/Sy-Fy Channel) – Plain and simple horror fans think Baywatch meets Jaws or Deep Blue Sea. The movie is so bad its fucking awesome to watch, I give it 2 ½ stars and a six-pack to go.

 

Maniac Cop (DVD) – Robert Z’Dar plays a hardnosed cop who bends the laws to fit his own justice until he is brought to justice. Thought to be killed in prison by inmates that he put there, he kills the people who put him in jail for revenge while trying to frame another cop. The film also stars a very young looking Bruce Campbell! I give it 3 stars.

 

Beowulf (DVD) – The animated Playstation look-a-like feature from two years ago that its biggest highlight is a naked Angelina Jolie! I personally enjoy the Christopher Lambert feature from the late 90s more as I give this film 2 stars.

 

The 6th Day (DVD) – Conan, the T-800, the action star legend tries one last sci-fi action flick awhile back before politics and fails horribly in this feature about cloning. The movie is boring and at times uninteresting compared to his classics from the 80s and early 90s! I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Hot Justice (DVD) – The movie Rick Fusselman almost didn’t let me watch and for somewhat of a good reason. But a no budget film about a man named ‘Hot Sex’ who moves out of his dad’s home after found jerking off in the basement to porn. ‘Hot Sex’ being out of work and homeless decides with some help of a friendly man to become a superhero that will defend his backyard wrestling title in a skirt anytime! Movie is stupid, but at times so fucking funny that I almost pissed goldfish! If there is any reason to watch and buy this feature it would be for the mere reason of the ending where the characters of the film decided one night to play and sing the theme song for the TV show “Saved by the Bell”. I give it 2 stars and can be found at www.dsk-productions.com .

 

Fort Doom (DVD) – It’s shortly after the end of the Civil War and there is still a few confederates holding on to what they consider what was once theirs. A madam played by Debbie Rochon picks up her girls and moves to a small town out west called, ‘Fort Doom’ because of some land left to her so she can start her own business in a place where they have none. Strange things begin to happen and rumors of Indians still killing the white people near the area make the town a bit scary for some especially when the undertaker of the town is played by the very odd but great actor Billy Drago. There is some blood and Debbie gets topless making this independent adventure worth finding. I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Ghost Image (DVD) – A once crazy good looking woman begins to question her sanity again when her man dies in a horrible car accident and begins to talk to her through her computer. He helps her cope with his death in the hopes of finding who actually killed him and her trying to reason if she is actually insane or not or one of her so called friends are to blame for her man’s death. Movie can be found at www.mtivideo.com and I give it 2 stars.

 

Bottom Feeder (DVD) – Somewhat low budget horror film that stars Tom Seizmore as a city worker along with three others that are cleaning out an abandon building only to be attacked by a monster that was a doctor at one time and was framed and shot up with his experimental formula he was working on. They must fight their way through the tunnels of the old building to get away from the mutation that seems to be half dog/half human. Not a great film but has some cool gory scenes and a cool monster so I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Cry of the Winged Serpent (Theater) – A low budget flick about a priest who unleashes an ancient winged dragon with his amulet to kill Spanish mobsters that happen to kill the priest’s family. Horrible as fuck, but of course I would watch it again. I give it 1 star as the fun Maxwell Caulfield stars.

 

Vampire in Vegas (Theater) – Tony Todd stars as a 300 year old vampire who is trying to find a formula that would make him a daywalker. Low budget in every sense of the word but the overacting and the hilarious dialogue make it worth watching drunk! I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.myspace.com/slasherfilmfan . Also you can purchase any of my three horror movie review books, “Gross Movie Reviews Volume One, Two, or Three” at www.lulu.com or www.amazon.com  You can also find other shit from me at www.bastardsofhorror.com and in the movie review section of the past issues of Ultra Violent magazine (www.uvmagazine.com). Remember folks if you are renting from Blockbuster you are not renting from the best! Always support your local independent video store and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

 

Hope to see you at Fright Night Film Fest August 14th-16th, 2009. For more details on guests, hotel info, movies go to www.frightnightfilmfest.com .

 

If interested in purchasing a copy of my books, use the lulu.com links:

 

Volume Three

http://www.lulu.com/content/2497428

 

Volume Two Red Cover

http://www.lulu.com/content/738100

 

Volume Two Alternate (black) Cover

http://www.lulu.com/content/751465

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 4th, 2009 at 4:31 pm and is filed under Reviews, Websites . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

Comments are closed.