Bastards of Horror

Gross Movie Reviews #199

By Tim Gross

The Human Centipede (On Demand) – It’s sick, twisted, fucked up, perverted, and it’s awesomely bad! I love it! The Germans always do horror films right? Whether they suck or not the films are always one crazy fucked up ride you never forget! A sick ass doctor lives in the middle of nowhere and is about to begin his latest experiment of putting people together ass to mouth making a “human centipede”!!! Yes, it needs to be seen to be believed… I give this awesomely fun bad flick 3 ½ stars.

Frost Giant (DVD/SyFy Channel) – Dean Cain vs. an ancient ice monster above the article circle where not even there people care about Dead Cain’s career! I give it 0 stars.

Outland (DVD) – A long and forgotten science fiction film from Sean Connery’s career where the original James Bond plays a security officer for a mining station on another planet. He is assigned to all the shitty jobs in the universe and takes one personal as his wife leaves him and it is all up to him to stop the drugs from coming into the station as the miners are dying at a rapid rate. Not great, not bad, but a different forgotten film by most for the original Bond. I give it 2 stars.

Surrogates (DVD) – It’s the future (and soon-to-be-all-to-real), and no one leaves their house these days as they have robots do everything for them. Sex, stay young, party, these robotic clones do it all except kill. But there is one percent of the population that does not believe in these robots and believe a war is coming… Crime is down 99% and there hasn’t been a homicide in over a decade until now when the inventor of the robots son is killed when his robot is destroyed by a mysterious weapon that wasn’t supposed to exist. Think “Westworld meets The Stepford Wives” with Bruce Wills playing a cop who has been rethinking about being apart of the real world again. You see the ending coming a mile away but that doesn’t stop this sci-fi flick from being good and makes you think about the future? I give it 3 stars and the film deserves more attention than it got when it hit the DVD market?

The Book of Eli (DVD) – Denzel Washington in a post-apocalyptic world traveling alone with one mission in mind and that is ‘going west’. People dying all around hi looking for water and Gary Oldman destroying every book there is looking for the one book he believes that caused the ‘big flash’ 30 years ago and use it to rule whats left of the survivors out there in the wasteland of death. In my opinion, it was an interesting film that I thought would have been a calling card for the Christian supporters but all the violence must have turned them away? All this film needed was Roger Corman and maybe David Carradine on a bike and it would have been perfect! I give the film 3 stars and just because it deals with the Holy Bible don’t let that sway you to not watch a good movie like this.

Fantastic Flesh: The Art of Make-Up EFX (Starz On Demand) – If you are any kind of horror movie fan you will appreciate this documentary as it stars KNB, Savini, Bottin, Landis, Romero, Simon Pegg, and many more talking about practical effects and CGI. They also go behind the scenes of how they came up with ideas for some of the most popular horror films ever made! This is an excellent watch for gorehounds. I give it 4 stars.

Lake Placid 3 (DVD/SyFy Channel) – The film stars the greatest movie villain of all time, Michael Ironside as a good guy cop that for the most part is a wasted character in the film. When Michael Ironside is casted as the good guy this is a sure sign your movie will suck the smelliest ass on the planet! For the love of god people Michael fuckin Ironside, when he dies, his tombstone is gonna read Michael Ironside “the baddest mother fucking villain” ever to be in movies! Come on people have you seen “Scanners” or “Total Recall”? He was even a bad ass in the original “V” series basically telling the ‘Beastmaster’ himself to shove his revolution up his ass if it didn’t work! Starship Troopers? Anyone? He was just a bad mother fucker in that film period! Anyhow SyFy Channel decided how they could remake a movie without calling it a remake, let’s make it a sequel. SyFy, have yinz assholes seen “Alligator 2: The Mutation”? After that the mold was broken on how to make a kick ass alligator or crocodile sequel. No Betty White, no Bill Pullman, hell I would of settled for Oliver Platt or Bridget Fonda, but no we get some dumb fucker from one of your shows and a horrible, cheap, CGI rip off sequel that isn’t even worthy of being called a film. Hell horror fans the master print should been burned because the only thing that would of survived would have been Michael Ironside because he is just that much of an awesome bad ass. I give it shit and tell Michael Ironside’s agent to see if there is a sequel to Total Recall being made?

Unforgettably Evil (Starz On Demand) – An interesting look at all of the scariest serial killers and real evil characters of film. A great documentary that goes into detail of some of the most evilest characters that ever have grace the silver screen. I give it 3 stars.

The Shadows (DVD) – An independent film about five twentysomethings that are shipwrecked on an island and quickly find out they are not alone. As time passes, fear sets in as they find an old diary and a ghost begins to haunt the five as they try to figure out whether they are alive, dead, or even able to escape this place as it might be purgatory…? As they try to contact the outside world their fate seems to be grim. An excellent film about people’s fears and ghosts that is rare these days in film. I give it 3 stars and can be more about the film can be found out at www.TheShadowsFilm.com .

Redneck Carnage (DVD) – A meteor hits earth and some redneck plays with it unleashing god only knows what…? Quickly people begin to die and rise from the dead in odd circumstances in this small southern town where the only fate of the town is in the hands of a rogue government agent, a redneck, a roller derby girl, and a couple police officers. As zombies feast on whats left of the town the survivors try to contain the problem before the government rolls in and wipe them out. A very passionate independent horror project with some gore that is a fun watch but hurts itself with having too many plotlines all going on at once. As one character describes the situation, “Zombies, aliens, chainsaws…” This Indy film has it all and with a little more money this film would have more horror fans talking? So look for this crazy ass horror film for purchase at www.redneckcarnage.com as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 Once again horror fans it’s almost that time of the year again… Horror Realm, the horror convention that is right in my own backyard in Pittsburgh, Pa., September 17^th-19^th, 2010! Basket Case reunion!!! Chilly Billy! And I will be there… So come on out and support a great horror movie convention. For more details please check out www.horrorrealmcon.com .

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReviews@comcast.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . If you want to help support my movie habits please buy my book for the love of god! You can purchase any of my five “Gross Movie Reviews” books at www.lulu.com or www.amazon.com . You can also find other shit from me at www.bastardsofhorror.com . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater (unless you are banned for some stupid reason), independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

WORLD WAR II HORROR FILM COMPLETES FILMING IN WELLINGTON, NZ

Principal photography has been completeld in Wellington, New Zealand on

World War II Horror feature film THE DEVIL’S ROCK.

Written by Paul Finch, Paul Campion and Brett Ihaka, The Devil’s Rock is

award-winning short film director Paul Campion’s debut feature film.  His

short films Night of the Hell Hamsters and Eel Girl have screened at every

major genre film festival worldwide.

Produced by Leanne Saunders (The Devil Dared Me To, A Song of Good), the

film is set in the Channel Islands on the eve of D-Day.  Two Kiwi

commandos, sent to destroy German gun emplacements to distract Hitler’s

forces away from Normandy, discover a Nazi occult plot to unleash demonic

forces to win the war.

The ensemble cast includes Craig Hall (Love Birds, Boy, 30 Days of Night,

The World’s Fastest Indian, King Kong), Matthew Sunderland (Out of the

Blue, Under the Mountain), Gina Varela (Xena, Siones Wedding, Power

Rangers) and Karl Drinkwater (A Song of Good, Lord of the Rings,

Spartacus: Blood & Sand).

Academy Award winning New Zealand company WETA Workshop (Avatar, District

9, Lord of the Rings, King Kong ) and will create the film’s special

makeup effects.

The Devil’s Rock has been financed by the New Zealand Film Commission and

Chameleon Pictures.  It will be distributed in NZ by Vendetta Films.  NZ

Film, the sales arm of the NZFC, is handling world sales of the film. 

For more information please contact Jasmin McSweeney, NZ Film, Tel: +64 4

382 7682 / jasmin@nzfilm.co.nz

ENDS

Editor’s Notes:

Paul Campion began his career as a fantasy/horror illustrator before

moving to New Zealand to work at Weta Digital on the visual effects for

Peter Jackson’s The Lord of the Rings trilogy where he was responsible for

creating the look of digital creatures such as the Balrog, mumakil,

fell-beast and Shelob.  

Before directing, Paul worked in San

Francisco, London and New Zealand on films such as Constantine, Sin City,

30 Days of Night, The Chronicles of Narnia and Clash of the Titans.

New Zealand National TV set visit:

http://www.3news.co.nz/Devils-Rock-Scripted-cast-produced-in-under-6-months/tabid/368/articleID/170002/Default.aspx

You can view Paul Campion’s short films by clicking on the links below:

Night of the Hell Hamsters (2007) http://vimeo.com/7200256

Eel Girl (2008) http://vimeo.com/7199863

7:30pm Saturday, September 4, 2010

Lawrenceville Moose 
120 51st Street 
Pittsburgh, PA 15201

All Tickets $10 
Event Information Call 412-726-1762 
* Card Subject to Change *

Doors Open at 5:30 with a Special Pre Wrestling Concert with Eddie Matthew

- Main Event - 
Anthony Alexander with Frank Durso 
vs. 
“The Franchise” Shane Douglas with Dominic DeNucci

Shawn Blanchard & “Dr. Devastation” Lou Martin with Frank Durso 
vs. 
The Latin Assassin & WWF Legend Demolition Ax with Eric Crouse

Paul J. Sciullo Memorial Over the Top Battle Royal 
Mike Malachi, “The Drunken Luchadore” Joey Quervo, Mike Buda, 
Great Toyota, “Iceman” Tony Johnson, Jay Flash, 
Mitch Napier, Ali Kaida, Vinnie Stone, 
The Blood Beast, Biker Al, The Jester 
& Bobby Badfingers

Dominic DeNucci & Doink the Clown 
vs. 
Lord Zoltan & “Nasty” Nick Crane

K.S.W.A. Golden Triangle Title Match – Lumberjack Rules with 12 Pittsburgh Police Officers 
K.S.W.A. Golden Triangle Champion 
“The King” Del Douglas 
vs. 
Justin Sane

K.S.W.A. Tag Team Title Match 
K.S.W.A. Tag Team Champions 
Kris Kash & Shane Starr 
vs. 
Drew Belanger & J.P. Goulet

 
 
 
Marty Lyons – K.S.W.A. Public Relations 
Keystone State Wrestling Alliance 
www.kswa.net 
www.facebook.com/kswawrestling 
www.myspace.com/kswawrestling  

Star Costumes has recently launched the first-ever Horror Scholarship. It’s a $1000 scholarship designed to provide assistance to students studying to work in the horror industry.

Go to http://www.starcostumes.com/horror-scholarship for all the information!

Time: September 15 at 10:00pm – September 16 at 12:00am

——————————————————————————–

Location: The Oaks Theater

310 Allegheny River Boulevard

Oakmont, PA

——————————————————————————–

Created By: Horror Realm

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More Info: Horror Realm presents a special one night only screening of Lucio Fulci’s The Gates of Hell (aka City of the Living Dead). The film will be a 35 mm print.

A reporter and a psychic race to close the Gates of Hell after the suicide of a clergyman caused them to open, allowing the dead to rise from the grave. This film is the first installment of the unofficial Gates of Hell trilogy which also includes The Beyond and The House by …the Cemetery.

$5 admission at the door, no advance ticket sales.

Each paid admission is eligible for a drawing to win a pair of weekend passes to Horror Realm.See More

Monroeville, PA – August 20, 2010 - Monroeville Zombies, the zombie themed shop and attraction in the Monroeville Mall, will host a charity car wash with an unusual twist: ZOMBIES!  The event will bring back to the Monroeville Mall a horde of zombie re-enactors who do not want your brains, but rather your dirty cars.  The participants are volunteers who enjoy dressing as zombies and will do so to raise money for the Animal Rescue League of Western Pennsylvania by washing cars. 

The charity car wash will take place on August 28, 2010 from 10:00 AM to 6:00PM in the rear parking lot of the historic Monroeville Mall.  Participants coming to get their cars washed are also encouraged to dress as zombies to get a $2.00 discount off the $10.00 wash fee.  Zombies are always welcome at the Monroeville Mall, which served as the location of the 1978 zombie film, George A. Romero’s Dawn of the Dead.  Over the years the mall has become the gathering point for zombie fans with film location tours, zombie walks and even a permanent zombie attraction, Monroeville Zombies, inside its Time and Space retail store. 

“We’ve been recruiting and training a special team of zombies just for this worthy charity”,  says Time and Space / Monroeville Zombies President Kevin Kriess. “Zombies have always been animal friendly as they only crave human flesh.  Plus they are great at lunging at cars and learning repetitive tasks such as sponging and rinsing so we are confident they are the best creatures for the job.”

About Monroeville Zombies: Monroeville Zombies is a museum and tourist attraction celebrating Zombies in Pop-Culture. Located in the historic Monroeville Mall, location of the original film, George A. Romero’s Dawn of the Dead , the themed attraction takes fans through a visual history of zombies in cinema. Displays of props and memorabilia are woven into a presentation featuring interactive experiences and zombie gift shopping.  For more information, visit www.monroevillezombies.com.

About Animal Rescue League of Western Pennsylvania: The Animal Rescue League urges the public to visit the shelter’s main facility, located in Pittsburgh’s East End at the corner of Fifth and Hamilton Avenue. Each adoption that occurs also helps the shelter meet its goal of finding homes for more than 5,000 adoptable pets in 2010.  The League hopes to successfully complete its Drive for Five Campaign as it did in 2009.
The Hamilton Avenue facility operates 7 days a week for adoptions.  Pets in need of homes can be viewed 24 hours a day on the Adoptions Page at www.animalrescue.org   For members of the community wishing to assist the Animal Rescue League by means of adopting, fostering, volunteering, or donating can telephone 412-661-6452 or visit www.animalrescue.org for more details on the League’s many programs and services that help animals in need.

THE ANIMAL RESCUE LEAGUE OF WESTERN PA’s mission is to provide temporary shelter, food, medical attention, and comfort to all abandoned, neglected and injured animals brought to us by the community; to restore lost animals to their owners or seek new homes for them, and to educate the public about the humane care of animals with a goal of reducing overpopulation.  

First! Thanks so much for all you voting on the top 10 Full Moon Images for our soon to be announced uber cool and unique t-shirt line! Here are the results!!!

Next! We are close to finally releasing OBLIVION on DVD!! The picture quality is great and I’m excited for all of you to see the first movie about Cowboys and Aliens! Check out the trailer!!!

Finally! We shot a few crazy moments from the set of GINGERDEADMAN 3: SATURDAY NIGHT CLEAVER for your amusement! The opening of our demented film is “inspired’ from the classic Jodie Foster – Anthony Hopkins scene in Silence Of The Lambs! In ours a Jodie Foster type visits THE SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH INSTITUTE FOR THE STUDY OF HOMICIDAL BAKED GOODS where the Gingerdeadman is in a maximum security cell! Other super dangerous inmates in the facility are: BAGUETTE! LITTLE TART! POT BROWNIE! & CREAM PUFF!  Check it out!!!

CB

Hey folks, we’re right now deep in the midst of post-production and getting things together for our final scenes. Filming so far has gone incredibly well but we need your help to finish this thing up and get it out in time for Halloween.

We’re doing a very limited run of DVDs for release at the end of October and you can pre-order right now by donating to the post-production fund. Also, get t-shirts, stickers, and even a producer credit on the film (which will be submitted to IMDB)!

Just stop over at IndieGoGo where you can submit your payment through PayPal, Amazon Payments, or even plain ol’ credit card!

http://www.indiegogo.com/Zombie-Babies-post-production?i=pite

Also we cut together a rough little teaser for our wrap party and we’ve decided to share it with everyone. Check that out at:

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fvimeo.com%2F13888049&h=fda9eU7Gs5n7bgo0tnkztMwjjTQ

Elvira’s Movie Macabre returns to television this fall

She’s baaaaack! The world’s sexiest, most outrageous and completely original movie hostess EVER is making her long-anticipated return to weekly television this fall, when Elvira’s Movie Macabre (tentative title) premieres on THIS! Television and in national syndication throughout the U.S. the weekend of September 25 (see local listings for station/day/time). The weekly two-hour movie block is distributed by Trifecta Entertainment & Media, and will air on television stations representing more than 80% of U.S. households.

When asked about her return to weekly television, Elvira said “All I can say is, IT’S ABOUT DAMN TIME!”

“Elvira will be every bit as relevant as the first day she burst onto the scene; a beautiful opinionated woman who always delivers just what her audience expects from her,”
said Hank Cohen, CEO/Partner, Trifecta Entertainment. “At Trifecta, we take pride in bringing proven and trusted brands to the syndicated marketplace; Elvira is a time-tested and wildly successful brand unto herself and her new show perfectly exemplifies our strategy.”

Who would have imagined back in 1981 that the hostess of a local Hollywood horror movie show would grow to become a household name? Elvira was the first horror host ever to be syndicated nationally, and the Mistress of the Dark has remained one of the most original and outrageous characters in popular culture today. This fall, she returns to national syndication with 26 horror movies, accompanied by her one-of-a-kind commentary. B-movie actors and directors beware, because nothing escapes the keen eye and sharp tongue of Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.

Elvira’s reign as ‘Queen of Halloween’ has now spanned nearly three decades and includes two feature films, an IMAX film, long-running syndicated television series and 2 motion control rides. She has appeared in National ad campaigns for Pepsi and Coors, recorded 5 music CDs, published 4 books and licensed over 400 products, including three pinball machines, BC Rich guitars, three comic book series, Elvira’s ‘Night Brew’ beer, ‘Evil’ perfume and the best selling female Halloween costume of all time.

Elvira’s Movie Macabre is a 34D Production and is written and produced by Cassandra Peterson and Ted Biaselli. The series’ Executive Producer is Anita First. Elvira is played by actress-writer Cassandra Peterson.

Chaos Running Rampant in the KSWA as “When Worlds Collide” Nears

By Willi Plett

 PITTSBURGH – This has been a summer of scorching heat and humidity and the mood inside the KSWA is no different as tempers have flared and boiled over the past few months. 

“When Worlds Collide” is this Saturday, August 21, 2010 at the Lawrenceville Moose, 120 51^st Street, Pittsburgh, PA 15201.  Bell time is 7:30PM. 

Since winning the KSWA Heavyweight Title in May, the Latin Assassin has had a huge bulls-eye on his back.  Former champion Shawn Blanchard, along with fellow VIP members Anthony Alexander, Lou Martin and Frank Durso have been after the Assassin ever since.  In early July the VIP’s jumped Latin causing him to miss the KSWA July event due to injury.   

Not only does the Latin Assassin have to worry about the VIP’s, Ali Kaida has also set his sights on the Latin Assassin and his championship belt as well.  He was part of the beat down that left Latin injured in July.  Kaida has been on a major tear of late and is looking to unleash some more pain on the champion. 

Not only does the Latin Assassin have to keep looking over his shoulder but he will defend his KSWA Heavyweight Title vs. the dark and mysterious Lord Zoltan.  Zoltan is a veteran of the ring and if Latin is not 100% concentrated on him he could find himself walking out of the Lawrenceville Moose without the KSWA Heavyweight Title around his waist. 

In addition to making life miserable for the Latin Assassin, the VIP’s have taken out Mike Malachi, who was out of action for over a month and Paul J. Scuillo Street Hockey Tournament organizer Eric Crouse, who teamed with KSWA Owner Bobby O for the September 4^th KSWA Wrestling Event honoring the life of Mr. Scuillo and his family. 

As Eric has promoted the upcoming event he has found himself on the bad end of a VIP beat down twice since July.  The latest was at the August 14^th KSWA event at the Teamsters Temple where the VIP’s confronted Crouse and attacked him and KSWA Ring Announcer Trapper Tom.  They left both lying in the ring without remorse.  Prior to the attack Eric and Bobby O announced that to combat the VIP’s and their thugery Demolition Ax and Shane Douglas were coming to the KSWA to exact revenge.

 The confident VIP’s will take on The Great Toyota, Joey Quervo and Mike Buda in a six man match.  Will the VIP’s roll over their competitors or will their cockiness get the best of them and lead to a devastating defeat.  Stay tuned. 

The KSWA Tag Team Titles will be up for grabs as the Champions, Kris Kash and Shane Starr face Biker Al and The Bloodbeast.  Kash and Starr have meshed well after a few years apart and are clicking on all cylinders but have a huge challenge ahead of them in the Beast, who sheer size alone could cause problems and the devious Biker Al, who will use any and all dirty tactics available to pull out a victory. 

The King Del Douglas will defend his KSWA Golden Triangle Title against Bobby Badfingers.  Badfingers won the right to face Douglas last week after he defeated the Jester.  Douglas has said he is invincible and with the Jester watching his back, the Golden Triangle title and the newly replenished King’s Ransom will never leave his possession. 

Vinnie Stone will take on Justin Sane.  Stone has been well stone faced since taking out and injuring his former tag team partner Ric Rumskey.  He has not spoken a word about what happened and has destroyed his opponents since.  What is with the sudden attitude change?  Sane was the first to help out a lifeless Ric Rumskey and will go full tilt to take down Stone. 

In a two on one handicap match Big Mike Malachi will take on the Canadian duo of Drew Belanger and J.P. Goulet.  Malachi fresh off returning from injury is out to prove that he is 100% recovered and to send a message to Anthony Alexander that he is not the only big man in the KSWA.  Belanger and Goulet have been very impressive since their debuts and will pose an immense challenge to Malachi. 

Tickets for the event are $10 for an adult and $8 for kids.  For more information call 412-726-1762 or log on to kswa.net.  Card subject to change.
Keystone State Wrestling Alliance
www.kswa.net
www.facebook.com/kswawrestling
www.myspace.com/kswawrestling